"Being understood is not the most essential thing in life," said actress Jodie Foster. While that may be true for her, I bet you won't turn it down if a flood of appreciation and acknowledgement comes your way in the next few weeks. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you now have the potential to be better understood than maybe you've been in a long time. I suggest you take maximum advantage of this good fortune. Make it easy for people to see you for who you really are.
from freewillastrology.com
being myself comes up for the second time..........sigh
that was a magical semester.
and neil is coming back this weekend :-)
i've also been called worldly. that was nice.
also, when i walked in mary's room, the doctor was there and kathe said "oh, it's mary's boss!"
i can't be mary's boss. i can't be anyone's boss. that would mean i'm a grown up.
me? a boss?
also i had another sighting - ah to be a gm
the dvd kept stopping - kathe b called and i go t the hiccupps
but still when i first started it felt like i couldn't move to the rt well at all plus i had a crick in my neck but at the end, turning was definately easier and it barely hurt - i don;t know if the pain was really better or if i was just using myself differently.
in general, it helped me see how rigid by body was before i started
not so bad for a half lesson
I did lesson 3 and although nothing got so much better, I noticed walking was easy.
My speech was good to although i don't know how connected it was to the feldenkrais
i went to a book club today - they were mostly old and seemed to already know each other but i went on in. i am so in love with the book (their eyes were watching god - i was planning to go all week).
anyway, i liked it and for some reason got a lot of satisfaction out of it. real satisfaction that made me happy. that's so rare. i didn't even get much satisfaction out of the little thing i wrote on facebook. i even got 3 comments, but it left me kind of ......well,nothing). but something today........maybe it was just hearing people talk about something i care about - such a rare thing for me. anyway, i felt more at peace and purposeful thant i have in any time i can remember. i resolved to quit wasting time so i could read more. i was the mad one wanting to do everything at once.
----The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”----- Kerouac
----
| |
apparently, i exploded and there's nothing left. only i didn't know it.
urposeful - that didn't last. i came home and worked for a while on work stuff. then i started looking up stupid stuff on the internet (like what became of joanna g?).
i wanted only one thing - to cruise the internet
i totally lost resolve to do anything else - even to wite here - and for hours, i looked up crap. like 2 hrs. but there was no motivation to do anything else. none. there still isn't a lot. what the hell happened? AND i just did it again..........i just quit writing to cruise facebook. pathetic.
but my apartment is quiet and warm and i've indulged in crap. there's no noise - i've had the peace i crave.
i've had my internet time - and i can quit wondering how joanna turned out - living on a farm. i expected her to do something unusual, but more along the lines of building igloos in africa and making them work as sustainable housing. i'll always be proud of her, but i sort of wish i had left her as the "joanna going to get shots to go to nepal" in my mind.
so lesson learned - anything can happen in life.
but probably not if you waste hours on the internet.
anyway, that's not the real point of writing - though i guess living through it says something about just going with the flow and accepting life as it comes - and also about appreciating the day and what we do have. I was so sure i had soething terrible, but it SEEMS that i don't. i feel so cleared - so glad it isn't anything - so lucky to be ok. so how will the anger and the fear and the negativity come back (it always does)? why is it so hard to shake for good? right now, i just feel calm and clear (without mental noise) about my life.
anyway, even tho i am calm, i did wake up in a panic about dying and about mom dying. but the fact is, we will both die - so, how do i find peace with that? i have no idea. but tonight i decided to buy a buddhist magazine and i saw one other than the one i wanted and on the cover, it had an article about how to be at peace with death. so, i bought it. it was like an answer to something i had no idea how to even start dealing with.
(also, in all the years i've lived here, i always wanted to buy a mag there, but never did until tonight)
and i saw wolf's girlfriend and yes, it's true. sadly, it's true. i can't believe wolf is gone. sometimes, i think he and i dnt like each other, but i don't know. even though i did get a little tired of him, i was happy to have him in my life.
i can't believe he's gone. bye Wolf.
Using Awareness Through Movement® Lessons to Change Your Life
By Kathryn Goldman Schuyler
I developed and taught several sessions of a graduate workshop on “The Art of Change: Somatic Awareness and Systems Thinking,” using Awareness Through Movement lessons as a means to help people make changes in their lives and work. In the day-and-a-half workshop, we did ATMs, talked about the nature of change, and talked in pairs about the areas where people wanted to make changes. Then students departed with the assignment of reading parts of at least one book on the Feldenkrais Method® and developing a personal project to change some part of their lives. Several weeks later, they wrote papers about this experiment.
I was amazed by what they discovered and achieved after such a brief experience of the work. Here are comments from one student, a woman who was a project manager for an engineering firm who came to the course wanting to make changes in the way she approached her work.
She wrote, “I am never very aware of my body, and when I get busy, I completely overlook the needs of my body. I become, what I call a ‘floating head.’ My awareness is exclusively in my head, I don’t feel I have a body, and am disconnected from it.”
She planned to buy tapes and use them, but found herself too busy to do so. Instead, she began incorporating movement experiments directly into her life. For example, she played with the way she got out of bed, based on suggestions from Ruthy Alon’s book, Mindful Spontaneity (available from the FEFNA office.) “Her words echoed through my mind during my long days at work and I started to do two things, I started to notice and observe what I was doing at work and evaluate what I was doing. I watched myself pushing myself to the limit, using my determination to push myself again and again, not noticing what my soul or body needed. As I noticed all these things, I saw them in the light of Ruthy’s words, that only when we invest our last energy into something, do we have the feeling we have given our best, even if it means completely ignoring our needs along the way.” Gradually, she began to take note of her body during the day, attending to its requests and needs. “That we are allowed to search for easier ways of doing things was and still is a very challenging thought to me,” she notes.
She also began to look for ways to do things more easily. “The workload didn’t decrease, but just allowing myself the freedom to look at my choices, and even acknowledging that I had some choices as to how I viewed my work, was very helpful. I still worked long hours and was often exhausted, but I feel that I got through those weeks easier because of the small mental shifts I made. The biggest step was noticing what was going on, which is the first step to making change. Only when I am aware of what I am doing, can I evaluate it and look for other options.”
Others brought their learning from the workshop to a wide range of dreams: a single mother improved her relationship with her daughter; a man helped his baby sleep more easily; two other students enhanced their coaching of athletes; and a small business owner shifted her breathing and with it, her self image.
I was impressed by the way the students were able to use Feldenkrais Method ideas to shift their thinking about important issues in their lives. I would encourage students to experiment with seeing how they can bring their learning from the lessons into other aspects of their lives.
FREEDOM, CONNECTEDNESS and a sense of ACCOMPLISHMENT
That's it. That's what I want.
Now, I plan to make a plan of how to feel those things.
It advocates thinking of how you want to feel in the following areas -
- Career - (innovative and creative)
- Relationships (connected and a sense of feeling similar to the other person)
- Spirituality (a sense of wonder that makes me stop analyzing)
- Wealth (just enough to have insurance, an apt, eat well and do Feldenkrais)
- Wellness (a sense of freedom in my body)
Interesting what just came out there - i didn't expect some of that. still, those things don't really get at the feelings i think about wanting. i think about wanting to feel
FREE - to do any say what I want.
and to feel free physically
Creativity - but that goes back to freedom
CONNECTION -to be invested in people i care about and who care about me - people i truly like
That's really it - I want connection to people and freedom to let the real me out. those two things are the only things i really want.
Now, how to get them...........
2 Feldenkrais lessons
write lisa
look at jobs at sfsu
write woman at cp center
make a life action plan
clean apt
finish the book
read a mythology site
read the blogs i like
look for shoes on ebay
take a long bath and scrub
fix my feet
qiut worring and enjoy the peace
he wants so much but he gives nothing back - no guidance, nothing but judgement. i've given up so much for this job - even my home and then he gets mad that i answered an email on my sick day. i felt like i needed to get back to this person. i can't just leave people hanging like he can. he answers email on sick days. why can't i?
and why does he get to leave everyday at 4:00 on the dot when this project is in deep trouble?
i've given up my apt and my sunday mornings- the only two things that made me happy. i have no soul left.
but i do need the money. what would i do without it?
still, we need to talk monday morning. i can't always be your his dormat
but even more than that, i need a life. i need people i have something to say to -people who i don't have to strugle to explain myself to. i need people who
1. don't see being nice as a weekness
2. don't care what other people chose for themselves
3.don't care about trying to be something they aren't
4.wonder at the world
5.are adventurous
6.read interesting books and talk about them
7.aren't so into TV
8.want to make themselves better and try to do so
9.fingerpaint and jump in rain puddles
10. who don't want to look professional....even if they are professional
11. who love something (although at 41, i am just now finding what i love)
but for now, i do have a day off - how to use it..................
random thought - would my life be happier if i lived in SF??????
